you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She even gives head with a lisp.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
