Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
