you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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