Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize