I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think i got beer on your cat.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
