I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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