I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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