I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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