Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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