Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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