he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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