just tell him i said nine months
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
