I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
