if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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