I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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