she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
