"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
