i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
