look no pants
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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