we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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