it wasn't lemon gatorade
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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