I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize