he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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