Im at strip club and am horny
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
