hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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