Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
