I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
