Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
