You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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