so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
