oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
