Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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