great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
