Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
