Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
