Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Less talking, more tequila
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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