He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
