I seem to have left my pride at pride
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Randomize
