K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
