We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
