Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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