even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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