oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
