Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
