His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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