Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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