You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
