FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize