i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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