Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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