Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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