On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
