hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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