I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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