don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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