I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
