I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
