I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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