So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
