Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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