this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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