Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
