Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
