my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
