the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize