Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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