OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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