True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
