I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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