If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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