smell my finger.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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