i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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