you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize