i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
